My top tips on getting YOU back.
Post-abuse self is different.
I am not here to tell you that you can get back to being the same person you were before; I would be lying. Trauma changes us, and that is something that you have to learn to accept.
Whilst I don't have a magic formula, I will share some of the things that helped me.
The first thing I did was to educate myself on Domestic Abuse, which is what you are already doing by being here, so I am proud of you! One thing ticked.
I started a "grateful for" list. Now, this isn't your usual one; it's more of a dark version. It could be things like
Going to the shops without being timed
Being able to not answer your phone
Being able to listen to music that you like (or at all)
Not having to explain every penny you spend
Being able to wear the clothes you want to
Not having to walk with your head down in public
I used this as a reminder of why it was important I left and how much better life was after. You'll be surprised how much you get written down!
Reconnect and re-evaluate. Most of us will lose touch with people, especially if it has been an intimate relationship. I do encourage you to reach out as it can help you to also reconnect with that version of yourself before. I'd also encourage you to re-evaluate who is in your life; you've likely spent far too much putting up with sh*t already, don't do it anymore. Set those boundaries!
Get a new or old hobby. Now, this might sound really annoying, the old exercise for mental health card, BUT, I had never exercised in my life. I chose to start whilst in refuge to stop myself from laying in bed all day, and it definitely changed my life. I'd be lost without the gym now! Also, look back at things you used to enjoy; it's not too late to get back into doing something you love! Prioritise yourself.
Join a support group. This could be in person with a local DA charity, or it could be online. Of course, you need to be careful online, but I found great support from both of these options. Connecting with others who have had similar experiences is just so good for you.
Get some 1-1 DA support, if it's available in your area, that is. As a professional, I see how incredible this can be for victims, so I will always fly this flag!
Speaking of flags that I fly, get some therapy. I started whilst in refuge, and it was one of the best decisions of my life. I absolutely was able to manage my PTSD without medication. (Of course, medication is fine; it's just my experience).
Journal. (Or do what I did and write a public blog for all to see lol!) Although I have never read it back because it's pretty hardcore, I did find this incredibly therapeutic and am glad I did it. Writing things down helps to process, and you know we need to process those traumatic memories!
Take a trip to the dump, chuck sh*t out. I tell you, the day I went to the dump after getting my things out of storage was one of the happiest of my life. Some people like to keep things, but to me, they felt like bad omens. Do whatever works for you, but if you are someone who's had belongings destroyed, getting new stuff is very satisfying.
Lastly, rest. Please, please just take some time to rest. If you need to spend a day in bed, you do it. Give your body what it's asking for. The recovery process is so difficult; be patient and kind to yourself.
Do what you need to do for YOURSELF. You've chosen yourself, make it count!