Looking after the supporter

Providing support to others can take a toll on you.

It can be so incredibly difficult to support someone through domestic abuse. Being in close proximity to someone experiencing trauma can affect you. Let's take a look at vicarious (second-hand) trauma and how it can impact you.

What is vicarious trauma?

A negative reaction/stress response that occurs when an individual is exposed to trauma through someone else that they are supporting. This can be in the workplace or in their personal life.

How does it manifest?

Vicarious trauma can show in a variety of ways such as:

• Behavior changes like feeling on edge, sad, anxious, trouble sleeping, nightmares

• Feeling survivor's guilt

• Difficulties concentrating, wanting to take on too much to help, or overstepping boundaries

• Physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches, worsening of long-term illnesses

You may think that you're being dramatic by feeling these things, but that will be your survivor's guilt talking! It's impossible to support people close to us without us taking in some of the trauma too.

It is really important that you take care of yourself; this may be by talking to someone you trust or a therapist. Sometimes you may even have to take a step back from the person you are supporting, and that is okay too.

I'd also encourage you to learn about domestic abuse. It's very easy to think "why don't they just do this, or say this, or leave" when you have not experienced it. And that is not a criticism. It's really hard to believe that something so insidious exists, but sadly it does.

I also want to reassure you that if you feel upset or angry at the person you are supporting, that is okay. You are allowed to feel frustrated and upset for them and at them. It's a sad situation to witness even for those of us that do fully understand.

Please take care of you x